we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
