I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
