I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
