she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
