You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
