12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I did not marry a roomba.
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