I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
