i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
