Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
