im about as happy as oj after his trial
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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