did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
