dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
