I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
