I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
