So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
i think im in europe. pls send help
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
