The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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