he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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