Yo dont text me then not text me
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
