god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize