Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
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The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
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Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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