wake up i wanna do it froggy style
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
