How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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