i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
