i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
