Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
