I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
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I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
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At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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