Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
