JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
