I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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