You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
