Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
