She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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