I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Can Purell be used as lube?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
