It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
