Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
