I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
