I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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