fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
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I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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