I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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