I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
