dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
