I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
