I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
