??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Dick very happy bro
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