and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
