Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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