i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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