Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
