She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
