i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
