Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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