Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
