soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
