its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
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I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
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No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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