Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize