Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
