we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize