Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
