"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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