I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
