his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
