4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Send help, water and tortillas.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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