i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
