im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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