Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
home. puking in laundry basket.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
