the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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