that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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