hotel room ftw
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
