When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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