Say something about gay babies.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
